The Autumn

I was driving around the Hudson Valley yesterday and just enjoying the perfect fall weather that we have been having.  The leaves are almost at peak and the air is crisp.  Fallen leaves crunch underfoot; the crisp air and toasty scent of the fallen leaves perfumes the air.   Yesterday morning, the sky was stacked with rows of dark gray clouds but persistent slashes of sunshine broke through.  As the day went on the clouds broke up and sailed away leaving a calm sea of blue sky.  One of my most vivid flashes of memory throughout my life is that same blue sky behind gorgeous splashes of oranges, yellows, and reds.

I feel in perfect harmony with the Hudson Valley.  I have found where I belong.  She and I are sisters; like the slashes of sun breaking through the clouds, I had the realization that melancholy does not mean unhappy.  I accept that it is part of who I am, but isn't sadness, it is simply melancholy--pensive and thoughtful.  I now delight in the ever changing air and weather here where when I was younger, it used to affect me profoundly in a different way.  I used to let those days with no sunshine and low gray clouds sweep over me until I felt the same way.  No more.  I am grown now and am beginning to see myself again; it is easy to get lost in life and forget who you are, but I was always in there chafing against the confines of what my life was molding me into, instead of who I was.  I could never really just let me be me and be comfortable with it.  I always had to hold my tongue, or suppress my feelings, and had no one to share ME with, except ME.  That is not a good way to live, no matter how much you love someone.  That love is true and strong, but there is always conflict and struggle because that love doesn't see the whole person.  It doesn't see the person who has changed who they are and how they act to fit into that love, not be the person they really are and loved for that.  Love comes in many degrees and infinite ways,  but love alone cannot sustain a person.  When big parts of a whole person are left unloved and misunderstood, it cracks the foundation and that love falters.

Dear dear friends of mine were blessed with a new life this week.  I don't know if they had a boy or a girl, but I pray that their baby is healthy and so is my friend.  I wish them all of the happiness and blessings that their life can hold.  God bless you Barbara and Anthony and your beautiful new baby.